it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
