Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
