You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
