evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
