Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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