yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
