so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
