Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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