he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
