Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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