who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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