So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
