Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
