There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
