I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
no more duck duck goose at the bar
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
