i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i think i just lost a toe
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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