just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The beer is more important than you right now.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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