my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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