Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
