Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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