I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
