sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
