You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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