hotel room ftw
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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