I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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