you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize