my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
