My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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