They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I skipped work to stalk him.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
