It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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