"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
