My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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