ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Tell her she can't have a vagina
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
