idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
