lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
