Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
