5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize