Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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