Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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