He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
