Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
