my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
