Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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