The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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