When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Randomize
