he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
