So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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