i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
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