God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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