32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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