i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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