the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
