Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
