after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
