Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
