we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
