i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
