Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Tell her she can't have a vagina
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize