Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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