If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
