so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize