is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
