Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
