I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
