see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
