I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
