Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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