I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
