She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
