you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
