It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize