you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
