the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize