That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
